weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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