Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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