I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
