I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
