Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my shit smells like andre
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
