I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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