I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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