I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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