If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
As shirtless as possible
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
