Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
