I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
