So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
