do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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