there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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