It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
