So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
