I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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