i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
