I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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