why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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