i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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