the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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