now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
