Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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