dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
