So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
