Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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