you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
