i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
