...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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