Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
