one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
