It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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