its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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