but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
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The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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