I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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