We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
