good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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