I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
