Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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