Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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