I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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