We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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