pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
