I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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