Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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