When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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