I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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