mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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