How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
