Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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