It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
