Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
