What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Text me some of your sweat
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
