This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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