he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
