i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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