I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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