Sry I called you an 8
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
