after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
