I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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