I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
