Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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