Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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