two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
