Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I have feelings that need drinking.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
