I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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