I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
