we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize