i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
