I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
