Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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