I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
