I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
