can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
