We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
