If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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