yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
