the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
