Nicole vs. Life
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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