so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
