piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
